glad to be back.
well, i've finally emerged from my wedding induced headhaze braincloud fog. I can officially see farther than two feet in front of my face. and to think that i used to be able to party for actual weekends at a time and then mosey into class and ace tests while still on ecstasy...wow, the glory days are REALLY over.
anyway, now i can get my life back in order. You know, wash the dishes, clean the kitchen, do laundry, check up on the superficial.com so i have some ammo for my daily celeb shit talking, and look at my computer's browsing history to see what porn my boyfriend watched while i was away. (apparently he really likes porn clips where the girl rides the guy facing away from him...we never do that one...maybe this is a hint?)
the funny thing is, when we first started dating he would erase the browsing/download history and the cache so i would have no idea what he was looking at while i was away. (although a totally clear browsing history and cache is a good indication that someone is hiding something!) Now when i go away he doesn't even bother to hide it, which i don't mind. i'm a big fan of honesty. i've never been into porn before (i hadn't ever really watched it until this year. yes, that is the truth. i'm a big fan of honesty, like i just said.) i decided that this is how i feel about porn: it's fucking gross unless there are NO PENISES involved. two girls getting it on is sexy. a sweating man frantically humping a girl is fucking gross. I mean let's face it, porn is all about the girl anyway. the guy is only frantically humping her to get her to make sexy noises and pretend to come. Do we really need to see the veiny dick and the weird-ass balls in order to do this? no. just give another hot girl a vibrator and cut the sweaty loser out of the picture. just my opinion. but i'm with dave chappelle on this one: the only penis involved should be the one watching the porn. the one penis rule. (and in my case, the no penis rule.)
anyway, now i can get my life back in order. You know, wash the dishes, clean the kitchen, do laundry, check up on the superficial.com so i have some ammo for my daily celeb shit talking, and look at my computer's browsing history to see what porn my boyfriend watched while i was away. (apparently he really likes porn clips where the girl rides the guy facing away from him...we never do that one...maybe this is a hint?)
the funny thing is, when we first started dating he would erase the browsing/download history and the cache so i would have no idea what he was looking at while i was away. (although a totally clear browsing history and cache is a good indication that someone is hiding something!) Now when i go away he doesn't even bother to hide it, which i don't mind. i'm a big fan of honesty. i've never been into porn before (i hadn't ever really watched it until this year. yes, that is the truth. i'm a big fan of honesty, like i just said.) i decided that this is how i feel about porn: it's fucking gross unless there are NO PENISES involved. two girls getting it on is sexy. a sweating man frantically humping a girl is fucking gross. I mean let's face it, porn is all about the girl anyway. the guy is only frantically humping her to get her to make sexy noises and pretend to come. Do we really need to see the veiny dick and the weird-ass balls in order to do this? no. just give another hot girl a vibrator and cut the sweaty loser out of the picture. just my opinion. but i'm with dave chappelle on this one: the only penis involved should be the one watching the porn. the one penis rule. (and in my case, the no penis rule.)
posted by dee goldie at 1:17 PM
2 Comments:
I hate to say this cuz I might say it too often, BUT...Veiny Dick and Weird-Ass Balls is a GREAT name for a band.
I'm okay with the boy parts generally but I HATE all the snoring, hairy, drooling fartiness that seems the accompany them. GROSS!
Words out of my own mouth, darling. Every time my boyfriend and I are away from each other (like 2 days) I find all this porn downloaded on his phone (phone with Internet) and it's always some poor lass with a huge cock being stuffed in her face or two guys pumping away on a girl ("I missed you" is his excuse). The only porn that ever turns me on is girl on girl. And that's the honest truth (and I'm boringly heterosexual).
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