hangover city, population 1.

hung over again. i can only speak in simple sentences. how is your day going. punctuation is too complicated for me. there will only be periods at the end of sentences. i have hangover retardation. i am starving. the roommates ate my leftover indian food. they are fuckers. i didn't adopt this puppy. it was very hard. the people selling it were selling them for meth money. gross.


this is what we did last night:



then i got up in the middle of the night and took two preemptive motrins and a xanax with a bottle of recharge. waking up on xanax is better than waking up with raging hangover. woke up with raging hangover anyway.

end of post. write more when not retarded. all hangover remedies will be accepted. please post them in comments.

HHNT!

My first ever hhnt post. clearly tits were the right way to go. and i know, standing in the mirror was a good call. how else can you get 4 boobs from one person?


Thanks to wendy for inspiring me to join. (and not in a copycat/carrie sort of way, i mean for real.)

hangover.com

usually indian food is my magical hangover cure, but not today. i thought it would heal me with it's usual benevolent power, but instead made my stomach feel like i just smoked crystal meth.

it is tricky, that palak paneer. one day it's the best thing for a hangover since xanax and the next day it's worse for your stomach than an eightball and a triple latte.

chanel orange blossom nail polish and adidas trackpants are also not a hangover cure, but they help.

these things were at yoga tonight:

1. dog shit on someone's shoes right by my head
2. noxious cloud of antibacterial spray also right by my head.
3. fine ass black man behind the smoothie counter
4. grizzly adams looking dude in running shorts
5. my giant boobs all over the place in every mirror

oh man, just when i think hip hop is dying a slow death while choking on techno hooks and being blinded by all-over-prints, i realize that Keith Murray, Common AND CL Smooth all have new joints out right now. thank god.

even though itunes classifies them as indie. indie. i guess they don't have a "foundation of hip hop" section.


whatever. i'm just glad that none of them have an ad on the radio shit talking the others about what they wear and how gangsta they are or are not. has anyone heard that commercial? where 50 cent campaigns you to buy his album and not kanye's because kanye pops his collar and hasn't been shot? oh man, i could really go into a rage about this. but i have work to do.

biggie smalls is the illest

the thing that sucks about today is that i'm running low on xanax and i need that shit at night to knock me out because i live with a grip of aspiring MCs that make beats all night long. The "studio" is right beneath my room and the beats come up through the floor and make me want to flip out and get into some mushroom cloud laying motherfucker type shit.

remember opium?

where did that stuff go?

they say Afghanistan is making record amounts of that shit but i haven't seen any since like 1998. actually, really, it's time for someone to invent a new drug. doesn't that happen every 30 years or so? isn't it time something great got leaked from some government lab? someone needs to get in there and get to rearranging molecules because i'm sick of my options. coke is just pointless and frustrating, weed makes me go straight retarded, meth is...well it's fucking meth, acid is out of the picture at this point, and heroin is really a commitment. so that leaves a new drug. or opium.

also, i think my sarcasm is broken. too much west coast i guess.

and finally, i'm so insanely in love with my chihuahua right now. last night some annoying too much eyeliner wearing big tittied girls came over to see the MCs and one of them was really digging on biggie. she kept carrying him around and squishing him into her boobs. it's been almost 24 hours since then and he still smells like 2 dollar hooker but i'm so in love.

i'm serious about hating kanye

and just wanted to repost my dear kanye letter because i just heard that wack ass techno song he's raping hip hop with and i'm pissed:


REPOST, from NOV 2006:

have to say, i'm actually kind of excited about finally being able to talk shit about Kanye West and have something non-subjective to back it up. I have always thought Kanye was wack, mostly because EVERY flow he has ever spit has exactly the same downward inflection which is fucking annoying. Plus his arrogance is actually visible in most pictures of him, kind of like Dr. Rey's gayness radiates from him on Dr. 90210. But I digress.

So Kanye doesn't win the best video award and by now we've already hear his pathetic ass quotes...but here they are again anyway, just for fun:

"Fuck dis! (My video) cost a million dollars, Pamela Anderson was in it, I was jumping across canyons and shit! If I don't win, the awards show loses credibility. Nothing against you (Justice and Simian, the award winners), but hell man."

Then he goes on to say:

"I haven't seen (the winning video). Possibly it could have been quite good but no way better than Touch The Sky. . That is complete bullshit, I paid a million. Obviously it's not all about the money, but the response it got transcended everything, it really made great TV. It took a month to film; I stood on a mountain; I flew a helicopter over Vegas. I did it to be the king of all videos and I wanted to walk home with that award."

Dear Kanye,
Spending money does not entitle you to awards. The point of Hip Hop is not spending money and being the king of videos. It's not flying in helicopters and trying to make good TV. In fact, it's the complete opposite. You aren't the "Savior of Hip Hop", Kanye, you are the direct cause of it's downfall. The Savior of Hip Hop will not be sponsored by Pepsi. End of fucking discussion.
Love,
Dee

---

the face of west nile

there are a few tell-tale signs of west nile virus, including, apparently, fever, swollen glands, aching muscles, confusion, exhaustion, and looking like an 85 year old grandmother with perfect tits.

i also wanted to say

that it sucks how crazy lauryn hill is.

yes:
no:Technorati Profile

mary j blige my son don't accept them type of phone calls

first of all, i need these. need. kind of like when a person needs air or water, except more urgent and serious.

chanel you have once again seduced me with your delicious sunglasses just wait until i get near a chanel i am going to fuck up the sunglass section and love these and only these as long as we both shall live unless i'm wearing my gucci sunglasses.

like i said, my dad could definitely kick your dad's ass.


in other news i have west nile virus. it's kind of like SARS except less fatal and more annoying and not respatory. okay it's nothing like sars but remember when sars and west nile were a big deal and we were all worried about getting them?

my friend johnny got west nile when it was still scary and had to be quarantined in a plastic room. johnny is this hot gay guy who looks like a fratboy and did gay porn for a while until he got too popular and had to quit because he was worried his mom was going to find out.

a funny story about johnny was one time i was in my apt and heard someone calling my name from the street (in san francisco) and i looked out and saw johnny with his car parked on the sidewalk screaming my name. he had been up for three days in napa doing crystal meth with male models and having all boy male model orgies i'm not kidding and needed a place to come down so i gave him my grandfathers pajamas that i happened to have and let him sleep it off. it was when i had bunk beds and i took the top bunk and he took the bottom and passed out in pop's v-neck like an angel.

dear left side shift key,

why do you have to be broken? you didn't like the champagne i shared with you? i can't believe i wasted that 1/4 of a glass on your common ass. i'm trying to make it work with the right handed shift key, but we don't really have anything in common and it makes question marks really awkward. i'd love it if you'd start working again, i'm nothing without you.

i'll be waiting,

dee

dear colorado,

why do you smell like cowshit all the time, even when i know i'm miles away from a farm?

you kind of suck,

dee

dear anorexia,

where the fuck are you when i need you? i could really use your ass right now. i can't afford to buy food and it would be really convenient if you could come through and make me like starving again.

thinserely,

dee