hey, i forgot about this thing

oh, right, my blog...
interesting things about this past two weeks:
1. my friend from high school got married. ANOTHER FUCKING WEDDING. it was beautiful. but it was still yet another wedding. no one recognized me because i look hotter now than i did then. which is nice.

2. none of my friends from high school have changed AT ALL. seriously. i had to use small words and say "like" a lot so that they could understand me. sad.

3. The bag i designed offically sold out on the test sell. anyone in portland who bought the "Trixy" bag from a small boutique that i don't know the name of is officially carrying my first actual design. And i love you for it. seriously love you. thank you for liking my work, whoever you are, you beautiful people with great, great taste in computer bags!

4. my new apartment could kick my old apartment's ass in about five seconds.

5. my new leather couch is more delicious than all the chanel nail polish in THE WORLD which is a big deal.

note: delicious looks wrong no matter how you spell it.

6. my stepbrother is having a baby. insane.

7. three days of intense back pain is not the most fun way to spend three days on painkillers. the most fun way to spend three days on painkillers is to spend it on my new leather couch with movies, junior mints and my chihuahua. so the back pain sucked the fun out of the painkillers is the point.

8. New York is a crazy bitch. good work, Flav.

9. Jeffrey may be a recovering drug addict and has a child to support so i feel bad for him. but he should NOT have won Project Runway. his shit looks like a first year design student. I mean his actual shit doesn't look like a design student...never mind.

10. i have to go on an outdoor adventure because my boyfriend likes the Great Outdoors. i'm sure i will like it too, but not as much as i like the...indoors? not really. i like being outdoors. i just like the doors you are out of to be in the middle of a city rather than no actual doors in sight. why is the great outdoors called that? it should be called the great Nodoors. whatever.

why am i obsessed with this clip?

I hate to admit that i watch flavor of love because it goes against everything i stand for. but i watch it and actually even TIVO it so i can watch it while i'm working out. i really couldn't care less who wins, but before this last episode i sort of wanted New York to win because she's fucking insane and might climb to the top of something high and start picking people off with a rifle if she doesn't. and no one wants that.
but then i heard delishus break it down at the dinner table on the last episode, and damn, she can sing. i think she should win based solely on this ten second performance.

seriously, i rewound it on my dvr and listened to it about five times and then went and looked it up on youtube. i'm a total loser, i know.

really?

is this really necessary?

Okay, i finished the book thing.

1. BOOK(s) THAT CHANGED YOUR LIFE:

• The Dancing Wu Li Masters
• The Tibetan Book of the Dead
• Teachings of Buddha
  

2. ONE BOOK THAT YOU HAVE READ MORE THAN ONCE:

• Jitterbug Perfume
  

3. ONE BOOK YOU WOULD WANT ON A DESERT ISLAND:

• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Unabridged 5 Part Trilogy. It never stops giving.
  

4. ONE BOOK THAT MADE YOU LAUGH:

• Is it bad that I can't think of a single book that made me laugh? i'm such a hard ass.
  

5. ONE BOOK THAT MADE YOU CRY:

• Night by Elie Wiesel
  

6. ONE BOOK YOU WISH YOU HAD WRITTEN:

• Blink
  
• The Tipping Point
  

7. ONE BOOK YOU WISH HAD NEVER BEEN WRITTEN:

• The Bible. Seriously.
  

8. ONE BOOK YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:

• An Anthropologist on Mars
  

9. ONE BOOK YOU HAVE BEEN MEANING TO READ:

• Freakonomics
• The Fountainhead
  

10. ONE BOOK YOU ARE GLAD YOU OWN:

• Old old old copies of Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass.
  

11. ONE BOOK THAT MUST BE READ ALOUD:

• The Mason Williams Reading Matter

"See them hors deurves, ain't they sweet?
Little piece of cheese, little piece of meat."

okay, okay

I have officially turned off the comment moderation because people keep saying they would post comments if they weren't moderated. i guess they like instant gratification and don't want to post unless they can see their comment imortalized on my blog IMMEDIATELY.

but if i start getting more sexygirl69 wants you to join her live chat posts than i do actual commments, i reserve the right to turn the moderation back on.

what is UP with...

dudes barking at me?

honestly.

I got barked at again by a truck of guys while putting gas in my car, in that same way that Redman barks at Essence Atkins in How High. Why will guys do anything for attention? The only man allowed to bark at me is Reggie Noble himself. and then i'd tell him to stop barking at me and start trying to write his own lyrics because Eric Sermon is probably getting tired of doing it for him.

what it is is what it is

Okay, okay, i love nicole richie, and i think she looks hotter now than when she was a fat smackhead. But come ON, she is clearly anorexic. I just want a simple confession.
"I admit it, I'm anorexic. I was a fat unhealty junky and I looked gross. So i stopped eating for a while, and lost the weight. Now i'm addicted to starving instead of heroin, and I can't stop."


now don't get me wrong, she looks worlds better as a skinny celebutante than a trashy junky, as clearly illustrated by the above and below pictures.
But I think she's really going the wrong direction with her weight problem. Spending all this time and energy going on talk shows to tell everyone she's just stressed out and naturally skinny or some shit is the wrong way to gain weight. While she's opening her mouth constantly to talk about her weight she could just as easily be eating instead of talking, which would solve the problem. Nicole, i'm here for you. I would love to take over the postion of your clearly incapable nutritionist, so have one of your handlers send me an email and we'll get started.

men prove their worthlessness once again...

by totally fucking up their list of the 99 hottest women of 2006 on AskMen.com.

The list starts off with no surprises, naming Jessica Alba as the most desirable woman in the world. Eh, she's hot, I guess. She's got a nice body (who wouldn't if they had her trainer/money...if you have her money and don't get a trainer like hers you are a total asshole, by the way.) and she's got a great face and she's a semi-decent actress.

Then the list goes on to name a bunch of hot women who all sort of look the same in a playboy kind of way.

Then comes the fucked up part of the list: LUCY LIU IS number 93. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

This would probably be okay if the rest of the people on the list 1-94 were hotter than her, but guess who surpassed her:
86. Hilary Duff. NOT hotter than Lucy Liu. Not really hotter than anyone, actually.
84. Alyson Hannigan. okay, i take Hillary Duff back. she's WAY hotter than alyson hannigan. There is NOTHING SEXY about alyson hannigan.
64. Jennifer Garner. Lucy Liu OWNS jennifer garner, come ON. Jennifer Garner looks like a farm girl.
Lindsay Lohan is in there somewhere, which i guess i understand. She's really annoying, but the only ugly part of her is her vagina, so i get why she's on the list.
Then, the final injustice, number 38, Kate Bosworth. please see below pictures:
In this one i understand why guys like her. She's blond, she can surf sort of, and she has nice abs.

even here, i can understand, even though her head is starting to look a little out of proportion.

Then she just starts looking scary. I'm pretty sure ET is the only one allowed to have shoulders like this:

and then there is the infamous alien chest picture:

Somebody exlplain this shit to me. What about anorexic freakshows do men find attractive? In my book a sexy, healthy, shining Lucy Liu is always a higher number than a crazy starving white girl.