LET ME TELL YOU THE BEST JOKE EVER

it goes like this: Phoenix Fashion Week.

don't think that's funny? that's because you weren't there. i just got back yesterday and i'm still recovering from the hilarity.

i tried to post pics but the slideshow was sneaky and wouldn't let me rip them. so go here and make sure you click "skip ad" at the bottom.

here are some rules:

1. get professional models. rich scottsdale high school girls are hot, but they are not models. they are too fat and unprofessional. and they are fucking stupid as all get out. and they get distracted by the male models, who aren't professional at all but at least are vain enough to work out. this is what happens when you try to find the right girl for the right outfit.

me: we need a different girl for this dress, this one's waist is too big.

model bursts into tears.

me: this other girl might work if she was wearing a bra.

new model puts dress on with no bra.

me: do you have a bra you could put on with that?

model: yeah. but i don't usually wear one.

model stares blankly.

me: but you do have one?

model: yeah, i have one. i just don't usually wear it.

me: i need you in a bra with that dress. Please put one on.

model stares blankly.

me: NEXT.

model bursts into tears.

2. DON'T USE THE TERM COUTURE UNLESS YOU HAVE A FRENCH LADY IN FRANCE HAND SEWING YOUR ONE-OF-A-KIND GARMENTS FOR A DESIGNATED BUYER WHO WILL PROBABLY WEAR IT UNDER A BIRKA IN SAUDI ARABIA. How many fucking times do we have to go over this? I heard so many people say "we are kind of couture". Fuck YOU. you either are couture, or you aren't. and trust me, you aren't.

3. If your entire line is the same polo shirt in different colorways and you don't have your own pants to send down the runway so you have to use True Religion jeans, don't waste our fucking time.

4. Have a rehearsal. seriously.

5. have more than one person who can fit garments with a needle and thread. guess who that one person was...yes, the same one who made the fat models cry.

(trust me, the list doesn't end here, but i'm tired and have work to do, so i'm going to cut it short.)

there were a few other highlights, including a male model who epitomized the attitude of all the male models there: he was a total asshole and had a set of giant angel wings tattooed on his back. if that doesn't say pretentious rich fuck, i don't know what does. get over yourself.

and don't even get me started on Scottsdale Fashion Weak. I mean Week. whatever.