i was in a wedding in montana last week

it was full of the most bad ass bitches EVER. usually when you put 9 girls who don't know each other together for a week there ends up being problems. or at least someone turns out to be psycho. or boring. but this group of girls were fucking crazy, hot, and hilarious.

there was a party barge, which is a dock with a motor. you can put whatever you want on it and float it around. we put 9 girls, a million margaritas, two rottweilers, and case of corona on it. it was rad. then we floated it to a lakehouse that can only be reached by boat (or party barge) and slept there for two days in bunk beds.


when you fall in a giant mudpuddle because you can't walk in the size 9 flip flops you had to borrow because your flip flops had a drunken blowout and came apart, it's best just to chill out for a minute and have a beer.


then see which finger fits best in your nostril. for me, it's my thumb, because i'm fucking italian like that.

if you were wondering what it looks like to live off patron and chips, here you go:

then we had the wedding, which was at a ranch, where i learned that boobs have at least one more use than i previously knew about.

(insert "look ma, no hands" joke here)