oh biggie give me one more chance

this is a boring post concerning boring details of my day. so if you get heinously bored, it's your own fault for reading, you've been warned.

you know what i think is totally retarded? how fucking expensive trash cans are. seriously, why is it impossible to find something to put my trash in that doesn't cost $24.99? i know for a fact that the 25 bucks i'm about to spend on some trendy "Loft Collection" stainless steel trashcan could pay for a year's worth of food for the entire family of the eight year old girl in china that stamped it out in the factory that owns her until she pays her way out of slavery by making less stamping out trashcans than i do sketching a T shirt.

(i rock ruff and stuff)

and another thing, why can't i find limoncello glasses ANYwhere?


and also, if you are an up and coming fashion designer please take this rule and memorize it, follow it very carefully, and don't ever break it: DO NOT use silk chantung AT ALL. no one wears it, saks fifth avenue does NOT want to see it on a line sheet and you will look like a fashion student. the only exceptions to this rule are 1. if you are john galliano and are using 57 1/2 yards for a couture dress that will only see the light of day for 26 glorious seconds on the runway or 2. you are in the business of making the Matron of Honor dresses or other ceremonial garments including but not limited to Flower Girl dresses and My Bridesmaids Better Look Fucking Ugly Because This is MY Day So Help Me God Bridesmaid's dresses.

oh yeah, HHNT!

haven't done this for a while. not posting tits anymore, i decided they private. I'll probably undecide this later. For now, hopefully half of my face on the train is good enough. you tell me.

it's been a minute

this has been a crazy month. moved, broke up, went broke, felt free, felt stifled, you know, all the good contradictory shit.

Chapter One: Fuck You Nebraska


Nebraska is the absolute worst state in out great union. yes, even worse than Wyoming.

Breakfast in Nebraska goes like this:

Look at menu. Find that all items either contain ham, wheat or both. Try to make an omelet from the "make your own" section but find that the only "make your own" ingredients are different kinds of ham. Realize that you are the only one in the restaurant weighing less than 300 pounds. See obese parents feeding their obese kid chocolate chip waffles with ice cream for breakfast. Watch in horror as the waitress brings out a giant cookie tied to a helium balloon for dessert. Watch as fat kid chases dangling helium balloon cookie out of restaurant and think that there really isn't a joke worth making.

Chapter Two: Fuck you, Freelance Design

This chapter is basic and consists of one main lesson. When doing freelance design, it doesn't matter if you do better work than Tom Ford, have a contract, and enlist the mafia: you are not guaranteed a check.

Chapter Three: Doberman Pinscher Ass

This chapter is also very basic. It has one main lesson as well: The smell that comes out of a doberman's ass is unparalleled by any other smell, except, possibly, the smell of Colorado.

Chapter Four: Depressing Things

There are roaches in my new apartment.
I haven't been in the gym for over a month and have no booty.
This picture was in a nice frame in the ladies room of a gas station in Iowa:


for some reason, that shit depresses me more than i can even explain. i guess because someone out there actually thought they were doing a cool thing by taking the time to frame this leo dicaprio poster, you know, a little som'thin for the ladies.


Chapter Five: The Best Days of Your Life...

...are the days of ignorant bliss that come right before you realize you have roaches. The sad thing is, you always take these days for granted because you don't realize they are coming to an end early one morning when you lift up a teacup and see a god damn roach.

***The funny thing about this post is that it contains none of the real shit that has been happening lately. there is real shit, shit that i would write about if this was an anonymous blog, that is consuming my thoughts and is the reason i haven't been writing. i mean real shit besides the moving, flying, traveling, packing, unpacking, phone avoiding and non-stop text messaging that has also been taking up my time. whatever. anyway, i'm back.