could this sound more like an advertorial? jesus, sorry, just let me vent some flagrant consumerism for a minute.

i used to have this thing...i really liked it a lot...it was, let's see if i can remember the word...a WAIST? A waist. that sounds right. it used to look really good with this other thing i used to have...an ass. sigh. too much computer work is robbing me of the best (looking) years of my life.

today i was IMing with a friend about my major struggle to not buy these four perfumes:

viktor & rolf, flowerbomb. in a pink crystal grenade. with the best marketing campaign EVER. how much do i sound like xiaxue? super chio bottle la?!

i got a sample of this from sephora when i ordered the two skincare items i can not live without, and i have to sell crack or a kidney on the black market to get them i will so help me god, and was totally surprised by how delicious it was. it has notes of carmelized popcorn, which sounds more like how a sticky soccer mom minivan smells and less like a "pure. precious. modern" woman smells, but actually it's the shit! i'm in love. dear miss dior cherie, you are so getting bought and owned today.

chance is the old standby. i'm not sure if i'm still in love with it or if i just feel like i have to have it again, because, well, i always have it.

and gucci II, my other favorite.

my friend was saying how she'd resent the perfumes if she ended up spending that much dough on them. that they'd stare at her from the dresser and remind her what a waste of money they were. i had the complete opposite thought: i would arrange them OCD style on some kind of mirror or plate and bask in the sense of completeness i felt from having them all together at one time for my personal use and enjoyment. i have a really hard time deciding between things i want. i think it comes from my childhood where i had plastic windows, shitty clothes, bad hair and no money. don't get me wrong, i'm happy for having been raised ugly and poor - that's where i got my winning and captivating personality. i never got to rely on my looks or family loot, it was straight up intelligence and humor with which i clawed my way to the top (of the high school social ladder, anyway.) then i got older and somehow ended up being kind of hot. which was nice.

it was once i went off to college and gained control of my personal finance that i learned i didn't have to decide between the brown shoes and the black shoes, i can have all the shoes. i will never forget the moment in Macy's, trying on shoes with the usual sadness and sense of poverty that i always had when shopping, that i realized i could have both fucking pairs and the world would not end and i'd still somehow manage to eat that day. (although eating in college was pretty optional anyway...raise your hand if you feel me on the college anorexia...) anyway, deciding not make the choice was an awesome feeling.

how does a poor girl from a hippie commune end up obsessing over L.A.M.B. shoes, perfume, and titties? i have no idea. just one of many Total Contradictions that people have been pointing out to me lately.