i hate you insomnia. hate you hate you hate you. I haven't slept a whole night through in i don't know how long, probably since 1982, if i even managed to back then. I took temazepam for two nights in a row this week because i couldn't take it any more and am not even a human being in the morning because i spend all night half awake half groggy but with adrenaline coursing through my viens in flight or fight mode with my mind on a retarded thought loop of some studpid shit over and over again looking at the sheets, the blinds, the nightstand. But i can't just embrace the insomnia and get up to do something else besides sleep like watch tv or do work because then any chance i have of somehow drifting off to sleep will totally be lost and i'll be worthless in the morning. mother fucker.
so i didn't take temazepam last night because i'm determined to sleep like a normal human being but instead i slept like a tweaker which means i didn't sleep at all and was half awake grinding my teeth and talking to myself in my head which probably means i'm insane.