i'm going going back back...

...to DC DC

i'm leaving for DC in a few hours. i haven't been back since i lived there. i can not fucking wait. i have been waiting for this day for six years. life is really strange. i love you, merry whatever it is ya'll celebrate around this time of year.

all my love

dee

i went to the dentist today for the first time in 15 years. gross, some people say. if it ain't broke, don' fix it, i say.

except i guess it is broke.

pictured: teeth.

not pictured, two fillings from when i was six that need to be replaced.

also not pictured: the $3000 it will cost. (it's not pictured because it doesn't exist.)

also, did you know that the mercury in old fillings is treated as toxic waste? the dentist must seal them in a biohazard container and a special hazardous waste removal service comes for them. it is illegal for the dentist to allow dental hygienists to even touch the old fillings. yet still totally legal to put them in the mouth of a child who will absorb the toxic hazardous mercury for the rest of it's life.

so, yeah, good work american dental association. way to think that through. and the ADA also has this to say about mercury fillings:

"The silver-colored filling is not as natural looking as one that is tooth-colored"

so clearly they're on top of their game.

classic

me: remember when val kilmer used to be hot? he was fine in Willow.

ket: weren't there ewoks in Willow?

me: ah, no. no there weren't. that was star wars.

ket: but i remember little creatures...weren't there small forest dwelling creatures or something?

me: yeah, those were midgets.

epmd is in my area

da joint

rice hose

i used to do this thing called working out. i'm too...what's that word where you can't pay attention and focus...distracted! to work out now.


my chihuahua has arthritis. i took him to the vet last week and she put him on 15 mg of tramadol once or twice a day. which is hilarious because i'm also on tramadol (as needed) and never more than 50mg at a time. i guess dogs have mad high tolerance for painkillers. i guess it wouldn't be cost effective to be a junky if you are a dog. i guess i've spent too much time working today or else i wouldn't have just written this entire retarded paragraph. anyway, i sewed him a velour rice bag that can go in the microwave because that helped my gramma when she had arthritis. it smells nice when it gets heated.


the other night we went to milon, also known as the most hilarious place in the world. it's kind of like eating indian food inside a christmas tree or a rave. after that we got drunk. after that we found a cab and nicole flung open the door and yelled "time to get the fuck out! " which is even more hilarious than having indian food in a christmas tree. the people in the cab weren't happy about it and a guy called us a bunch of names that i can't remember but included bitch, cunt, etc. then there was almost a fight, obviously, because you can't call girls names when there are protective men around, fuck you. and besides, nicole was right. it was time to get out.


then we came back to the apartment and the doberman had eaten the entire rice bag. 4 pounds of raw rice. 4 pounds of raw rice looks pretty similar to a hose shooting out ricewater when it gets explosively shit out of a doberman for the next 48 hours. just so you know.

xoxo,

dee

p.s. i love you too

when the shit jumps off you better be ready

i guess i'm a little behind the times. i didn't realize that human cloning was a fucking reality. i'm not down with human cloning.

and another thing: absolutely not, American Government.

you will in no way put any kind of chip or tracking device in me, my children, or even my passport. and i'm not using the Amero. ever.

you are a bad person, let the fucking cat inside

seriously, fuck you. why is today an outside day? let the damn cat in.